hatred

hate it

hate that i didnt take care of my friend

hate that i always make them feel left out

hate that i made myself "transparent-going" in everyone's life

hate that i cant control my emotion

hate that i dont know how but only cry to let go of it

hate that i must do something that i've totally lost interest

hate that i hate her to say that but i never dare to stop her

hate that i dont have the guts to start a fight

hate that i found myself is so peace-loving

hate that i dont know how to throw all this bad emotion into rubbish bin

hate that i'm still so stupid

hate that i'm still so naive

hate myself but dont know how to kill it

hate everything

so what is the big deal about 21?

i always imagine how wonderful my 21st birthday will be?

as i always see how my friends around me celebrate 21st,it somehow makes me looking forward to it.

a pool party?many many wishes and presents all from my friends?golden KEY necklace?ice cream cakes?having an open house party?

not at all

it ended.

JUST LIKE THAT.

well,still thanks for people that sincerely wished me from so far away.and thanks for the cake,coursemates.

21st is not a big deal

i will have 30th,50th,80th to go.wait then,i will make myself memorable and brilliant for that.

亚运会倒数-心情篇

不知道是不是因为他们的关系

我开始关心起运动新闻来了

亚运会眼看就要到了，我也没少紧张

田径赛的赛期是11月21日到27日，短短6天却是影响运动员一生的日子

我知道，他们最近都很忙

每天在台北台中高雄来回奔跑，希望在这剩下的两个星期里可以恶补自己的不足

花上所有一切，只为一面金牌。

选手当中有些已为人父，却要每天和妻儿过着思念不能相见，相见不能长远的日子。

有些年纪很轻的选手早前受伤了，却一定要带着这受伤的身子死撑，继续磨练，直到极限。如果中途就放弃，那这些年来的努力一切血本无归。所以宁愿战死沙场，至少为自己为国家争光。至少得个“名流千古”

有时忍不住为他们心疼了。

台湾著名体育新闻台“纬莱新闻”，曾经说：

在这100米跑道，枪声一响，从一数到十，我们眼里的十秒，却是运动员付出一生的地方。

十年来的努力，就在这一到十里。

对啊，说得一点都没错！

谁能在这一到十比别人快一点点踩到终点线，就是赢家。即使你只差0.01秒，那个金牌就跟你说bye bye。

我能想象这次他们出赛是带着多大压力的，表面上大家还是疯疯癫癫，其实心里都没有一天踏实过。

我真的希望他们这次在亚运可以创下佳绩！因为我还是比较喜欢看他们上台领奖那种开心的表情！

中华台北田径队，你们要加油啊！

亚运会田径赛视频

今天

原来吵架也可以很爽
谢谢你，拼命的跟我吵
不知道你是故意气我还是怎样，但我心情真的好很多了

最近觉得自己很情绪化
一点小事就能让我气到发飚、让我失落跌到谷底、让我的眼泪失控
有想控制，但力不从心
我真的不懂自己到底是怎么了
每次在这种时候，都很想有个人在我旁边
听我抱怨也好，任我打骂也好，借我肩膀也好，给我一个鼓励的拥抱也好
但原本可以做到的那些人，已经离开了，新的嘛，没指望找到

怎么酱啊，来大学这么久，还是不会独立
好像很失败哦？

i saw him...after 8years

it's not too good to met people who u adore before
i met him,the HIM who i really adore

it's way back to standard5..
he sat beside me
he's a smart guy who always got 1st placing in our class,and he got "best student award" in our school
he's a kind boy who will teach me my weak subjects, but tease me at the same time =S
he's good at quarrelling *smile* loves to argue with me, about Chinese (both of us are the Chinese pro in our class,dat time)
he's shy,to other people..but to me,he's naughty
he has a fair skin,tall body,shy-ish smile on his face
that's the HE that i adore alot

after std5,he transfer to another school
it's been 8 years i didnt heard about him or saw him
accidentally saw him,i hope i wasnt wrong
the same fair skin,height,good looking face
but,he doesnt have shy-ish smile anymore
he has ear holes,he wear earrings
he smokes
he drinks
he went clubbing
he is flirtatious

i wish i could bring him back

why am i feeling...sad

i'm sorry

i shouldnt post the previous post,i should know no matter what,i still have all of u,always
i'm sorry to make those people who loved me so much to be worried abt me,paiseh
thanks for my dear dear frens lx,teng,sy,papa,chea^__^ & chea's mama
rush in the first moment to make sure i'm ok,i felt i'm so blessed and loved by my frens,i reli shudnt be so pessimistic,i'm sorry
seriously,i felt so touched about u guys action
i love u all,for everything u'd done

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
thanks to shuyen n jiabao going out with me today,i felt so much better aft the outing =)
by the way,we watched "the day the world stood still" by Keanu Reeves and Jennifer Connelly
i expect this movie to be very very nice,but it was under expectations,cuz the ending was..lame~makes the whole movie looks meaningless,haha..

bu ming bu bai

wei shen me wo hui huai yi? yin wei wo hai pa
wo hen zhong shi you qing,wo dui mei yi ge peng you dou shi tui xin zhi fu
hen cheng ken,zhen xin dui dai zhe ta men..
ting le mou ren shuo de yi fan hua,
wo tu ran jue de hai pa,wo dan xin ta men dui wo zhi shi yi shi de li yong
xiang dao wo de shi hou lai zhao wo,bu xu yao wo de shi hou jiu ba wo liang zai yi pang..
wo zhen de bu xiang yao zhe yang zi de you qing,wo hen xu yao bie ren de ken ding..
wo xiang zhi dao,wo zai zhe ge shi shang,shi you cun zai jia zhi de!wo shi bei xu yao de!
ru guo,ni zhen de xi huan wo,da cong xin li xi huan wo zhe ge peng you,ke yi zhen xin dui wo hao ma?
wo hui hen gan ji ni de
i need to be proved that i'm somebody in ur heart

i got 6 papers left!!

wee~~another scary week's gone
i'm now left with 6 papers
it's kinda relieved ,weeheehee..

aiyo..today memang is a black thursday
i s.c.r.a.t.c.h.e.d. that honda city just now
oh~oh =(
but it's just a very little scartch lar...dun scold me kay?
to daddy & mom : i'm sorry >.<

just now when we came out from exam hall..
dear hand me smtg..it's a card!!!!
her hand made card..i really like it alot!!
owh~it's biu.ty.fuwl
to dear: thanks for making that wonderful card for me..and it sure takes u lot time to finish it,but u still manage to do it during exmas..u rawks my dear..lurve u lots!!!mwahh~

yea..i cried few days ago...
not crying for years...i think it's the first time i cried so hard since i grow up gua..
i hate to cry..especially infront my families,but i just couldnt control my tears..cant stop it from rolling out from my eyes O.O
it may sound scary,but i used up 1/4 roll of the tissues >.<
well,i'm fine now,thx for concerns..dont ask me why la..my own problems
to myself: i'm holding back the tears 다른 내가 서있죠 난 울지 않아요.

wakaka...mommy's coming back later
and jia bao arriving at mid nite
yeah~can finally see them..miss them loads!!
mommy & jiabao : welcome home~i want presents..gaga =P

emo

damn feel like crying
damn bad mood
opening the books for hours
some went in
but most of it flew away
dunno what i really adsorb
shit tomorrow will see me dying
low low low

ying,we shud hv went yam cha ystd
i shud hv went JY's steambout party jz now
i shud talk to him ystd
maybe wont be so emo

bon voyage to mommy

dunno how to explain today...
1st:i din saw YY in sku today =(
2nd:a SURPRISE that 2 of us break our head to think...end up papa gvin us surprise..cos i'm too laupek,i spoilt it~~sorry for ruining the surprise...
3rd:kena a GREAT WONDERFUL SURPRISING lottery, wth...thx mama for helping me to settle it,really thank you...
4th:i bo mood ad,n some "self-pro-claimed" sok chuan driver HONK me?!?! thou i think i mmg tak betul.. >.< but still bu shuang

#####
mommy jz depart from kl to HOKKAIDO
hokkaido eh~~i wanna go...
she's leaving me here to face that stupid exam...and she's hvin fun,unfair >.<
haha...but i really hope she enjoy and must have fun lar!!!
rmb buy me my LG's album from Japan ar~~
and chocolates~~
waiting for ur prezzie at 20th homecoming lor...
rmb to take care ursf,wear more clothes,it's almost winter thr..miss ya mommy^^

#####
i still have 9 papers to go...wish me luck
same to every spm & stpm candidates...gambatte

复杂

took this pix yesterday
when sy came to my hse
and we're SS-ing with my new phone
but i love this effect..
looks like water coloured potrait


心情很复杂...
thursday...
black thursday...
i felt so angry abt the chicken little
really think that she's not worth it for ym to treat her so good
but yesterday,ym sent me a msg,saying that they say things out,they dont have misunderstandings anymore..and the gal,sorta 和好with him
i can feel from his message,that he's really happy,hehe
i feel happy for u too^^
all the best for both of u's relationship

yesterday,was friday
was a very tiring friday,and emo-ing friday
my mood get very well when i went kaima's restaurant
oh yea!we saw her son!!was a really handsome korean,keke
we got our school magazine yesterday
the moment i got it,i really have a kinda sadness in my heart
flashing back,our sweet memories will end next week
after that everyone will go on with their further studies,and i really dont know when's the time we're going to meet again
i'm gonna miss everyone of u...miss those wonderful monents we went thru
and i will miss HIM as well
just found out his chinese name is not what i assume before,is 扬衍(what a nice name)
and i found that my frens,they r really cute,hehe...when they found his name in the magazine,they even send message and call me to inform me abt it,hehe..thanks ht and lx appreciate u guys effort!

i have to really appreciate the time left with them
next week,only have 2 schooling days
last time to be together
hope our graduation day's performance will be successful(ppl watch out for our funny performance,by me & sy,hehe)
hope that my small little wish,can come true on that special day =)
yeah!!!eu finally agreed to go CHEONG K with us!!!
so excited,so looking forward to it!!
it may be the last time we go for outing before we part
oh gosh...i'm starting to miss u guys~

tears bursting when this song [you're my melody] came up
"the time of tears is now history
even the saddest time have an end just like a song
you're my song,my life's soundtrack
i love you,for you brighten up my life's stage
you're my rythm,my life's present
please become the beautiful dream of my life timelessly
i'll continue to sing to you, you're my song"

greedy me

so,i finally sent that Bdcard to HIM...by myself

(first time felt i make a really NICE card^^sorry for not publishing de yummy nice cover here,cos i dont want to let other ppl to see)
oh gosh..it was really a scary experience
i cant see his expressions...
cos i was too nervous to even look at his reaction,then i ran away...

felt so moody...
cos of exams
cos of teahcer's disappointments
cos of friends...
cos of HIM,i guess

yesterday was another BLACK THURSDAY
tot i will feel better after meeting HIM,but...
BUT it gets worst...i became so bad mood,dunno why..
izit i'm too greedy?

********
when u first admire him,u say "i'm happy enough to have the chance to LIKE him"
when u like him,u say "i felt happy enough to look at his smile everyday"
when u saw his smile everyday,u say "i wish i could be his friend"
when you like him even more,u say "i wish i could make something for him"
when u done everything that u could,and still he dont know abt u, u'll say "i'm happy enough to be his normal normal friend"
then when you become his friend,u'll say "ok,i wanna be his good friend,that's really enough for me"
when u really become his good friend,become a part of his life,u'll say"i just wish that we could make it into a above-friend-relationship."

why cant we satisfied easily?
when we really reach the something that we want,why we'll ask for somehting more?
all of us are greedy
human beings are GREEDY animals...

CHEER UP

to bao bei:

i know u having dilemma
physically , mentally
the physically one, to heal it, u need to rest ,rest more!!
and please really take care your body
dont spoilt your body for someone that doesnt deserve to,ok?
and another dilemma you're suffering from..it's called LOVE sick...

after reading your blog,
i can say that i totally understand your feelings
cos i went through all this as well(and still somehow trapped with it)
i think all u need now is frens to cheer u up
that's why i wrote this post specially for u
let u know that no matter what,i'll always be there for you
although u didnt tell me the whole story(and i was quite upset abt it)
still hope that u can really over come this tough matter...jia youhs!!

PLEASE CHEER UP MY BAO BEI...

PROMISE ME TO BE HAPPY,OK?

LOVE YOU LOTS!!MWAHS~

錯覺 no more

我終于清楚自己對你是什麼感覺了
雖然有點難適應...
但還是很謝謝你
曾經那麼重視我
信任我
與我分享你的心事
把我當成你非常要好的朋友

雖然﹐對你的感覺只是錯覺﹐
是自己想太多
但是﹐這些將會是我美好的回憶

出國後﹐要好好讀書噢﹗
希望我們還是朋友^^

can we stop?

emo-ing...actually recovered,but i saw some one's blog,makes me felt so low again

i hate to quarrel with friends
hate to have cold war
hate to act like nothing happens,but actually you're so BU SHUANG
hate to NOT speak out the feelings
hate that you like to play this kind of "care-not care" game

can we stop this?
I'm also very tired of this...
if we really cannot be together
then just let it be
you cant force anyone to be what you want them to be

Emo - Cold - Moody - Okies

this week wasnt a good week to me...
i was quite emo and low..



firstly,i was quite bothered about the "love" thing happened recently
then yesterday,my mortal's hp kena stolen/snatched
makes me worried a bit,and therefore emo a bit

then today...something happened to our un-breakable relationship
we sort of have Cold Wars
i was really not in the HIGH mood early morning
not feel like talking,but wasn't unhappy or what
just lazy to talk
after recess,i was getting low and emo...
maybe it's because of lx & ht,I'm not so sure about it
thought that they were quite happy,enjoying themselves while I'm not really in a good mood
and maybe some other reasons,that i haven't discover

actually,we are supposed to go for 6th form installation after school
but me and sy really got no mood to go for that installation
then when cynthia asked who wants to go Mid Valley?
me & sy was like "i want!!"
so,we went together,leaving lx & ht with question marks around their head
we couldn't even bothered to tell them that we are going to MV
just simply threw some words,sort of mention MV,and we left

well,along the way to mv,felt a bit OK,cos we joke about kf...koala bear,haha
we(me,sy,cyn & kf) went to KIM GARY for lunch
after that lunch,really felt a lot better...A LOT...and wasn't emo-ing anymore

when me & sy are on our way back
we went into Teddy Tales
thought to shop a while,since we have much time left
haha,but we found badges!!cute badges,and cheap..
so we bought 13 badges in total
and 1 of it is for cy
wohoho...happily going home~~
not emo anymore,not low anymore...

just now lx called me,we chat for quite a long time
they were quite worried that why we act like this today,too weird
actually me too,don't know why,and what is happening,just emo...
but really thanks for you guy's concern...
and so sorry for being so self centered..

eu,thanks for trusting me and sharing your problems with me,although i didn't help
you don't have to change the way you talk or way you care about us
you just be yourself
I'm really happy and glad to have you as my friend
hope that we will last as best friends forever,ok?
lastly...I'm studying,really study,so don't worry^^

錯覺

原來這一切只是錯覺
對你好,是因為你先對他好
送你禮物,只為了報答你對他的照顧
會把日常生活中所發生的事情,都告訴你,只是覺得你比較談得來
特地自制一個CD給你,純粹是想把他自己喜歡的歌介紹給你聽
把秘密告訴你,是因為他覺得你值得信任
約你去看戲,只是需要你的陪伴
把賬戶密碼告訴你,是要你幫忙,他相信你不會濫用他的帳戶
對你的關心,只是以朋友的角度來問候
說希望可以繼續保持聯絡,只把你當成訴苦的對象
和你談起前任女友的事,是要暗示你,他還是喜歡着她
其實一直以來,只是你自己一廂情願,他並沒有表示過什麼
這真的只是,錯覺而已


笨女人
是時候...
清醒了!!


失眠的夜裡
再度愛上李聖傑的歌
“他不会是个好男人 也不会是个好情人
你对我说 我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多 少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞 也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候 我的温柔陪你度过”

* * * * * * * *
i don't care lu...
i will ignore those weird feelings
I'm going on with my life,don't want anyone to make it a mess
this Sunday going out with Papa,Mama and Kaiye
to watch Batman,finally...hehe

ah,papa say they all got soccer match tomorrow,erm...should be today jor...
good luck,guys!! ^^

oh,i'm feeling sleepy now,it's almost 2am in morning lu...
buh bye,mwahz...

Love? Not

he told me he finally decide to msg his ex-gf,because of me
then they are going out now
i felt happy that he finally have guts to talk to her
really act like so happy
even call him to take pictures with her

aiks...what's wrong with me now??

Love Lorn

OMG...
what is it now??
i really fell in love??

those symptoms really makes me feel like I'm falling for him
I'm always looking forward for his message
if he replied my message,I'll be very very happy
will suddenly miss him for no reasons
when he told somebody that he treats me well is because i treat him well
i felt so disappointed and sad
when he talked about his ex-girlfriend,i was like,low...really low
but at the same time,hope that he could be with her again,encouraged him to go after her,
what am i doing...
i act so normal,like a friend,giving him advice in the message
but i felt so hurt...when i saw his message talking about his ex-gf
hate this feeling!!

anyone can tell me,
is this call love?
or maybe like?
or it's just my own feeling mislead me?

dear,why both of us faced the same problem??
how to solve it?
can u teach me?

Hurts!!

yesterday was a BAD DAY...

when we are on our way to tuition,my friend looks very down...
so i was like asking him
"why are u so down?"
then he din reply...dun wanna choi me...

later ask him the same thing again...
and i said with joking tone
"u want me to sing a song for u first,then only u wanna share with me ur problem ar??"
prepared to sing a song,then...
then he said
"dont entertain me larh!!"

wat the...i was just concerning,then he said this kinda thing...
damn hurt yesterday...felt so sad n sad n hurt...T.T