simply emo

everything is not working right recently

i'm so stucked in the whole failing life

for 3 years, I've been rolling in and out, mixing around and I always thought i have more friends than i thought i had. and the truth is, yes i have but all of them are just friends, hardly find a friend who can really stand up for you when you needed them. this is really pathetic.

i'm seriously regreting, accepting the offer of leading this team, incomplete team. i just dont know why i could do such a decision, and end up regreting to the max! enemies knows you the best, maybe it's right. she did mentioned that i couldnt hold up to so much things, cos i may end up making myself another creature like before. and things proof that, what she say might be true.

assignments are stacking and pilling up with greater heights, and i just dont feel like completing it at all! what's wrong with me? and i felt so sorry when my teammates/coursemates are doing better than me, and they usually did it well, which makes me guilty cos i'm the one who pull them down. sighs, i'm not a good team player i thought. all my passions are gone, nothing can like push me up to reach those targets, i just feel so good slacking dead -.- i know the problem exist but i just cnt help it,why?

and things in relationship arent going smooth. to be accurate, it's a mess and miserable.owh why.

sometimes i would really prefer myself in another country, either studying or working. i mean i need a whole new life. i'm fed up of the boring life i had here,i need something to fresh me up! yes! fresh me up please!

arghhhhh!!! i thought writing might soothe my feelings and emos, but,it's the same half hours ago

i'm being too weird these days,i cant understand myself even.

雨过天晴

我明了

既然知道继续下去也不会有结果，不如现在就结束

是的，我要退出，祝你和她幸福

往往朋友的一句话可以让我重新振作起来，谢谢你，朋友！

我喜欢上他了。同时，被抛弃了。

我想要看到那个抛下假面具，在我面前大哭的男孩

我希望可以陪他吃晚餐，两人的晚餐

我想要在戏院，偷偷牵他的手，互相取暖

我还想要他一直打电话给我，就算是被他酸两句也无所谓

我想要成为他倾诉的对象，我想帮他分担

我想在他来接我的时候，帮他折袖子，然后说“有家的感觉吗？”

我想我想我想

我以为，爱情终于降临了

可是他竟然说“我还忘不了她，我还没准备好进入下一段感情”

我无言了。心情糟透了！

他却天真地还以为，我心情不好是另外一个男人造成的

从来没有过的低落！

我才发现，以前暗恋单恋什么的都是假的。

现在这个才是真正的“喜欢”

因为来得没有预告，在我懵懵然的情况下，心房已经悄悄打开了

不知怎么的，不知何时。

我就在被拒绝的那一刻发现

我喜欢上他了

*****

既然你要活在你和她的回忆里

我只能接受

我始终没办法让你有“再一次心动”的感觉

但谢谢你，让我心动了

让我明白什么是“喜欢”

i'm a freelancer!

alright,end up i didnt get to arrange my exchange in time,so i postpone it next year. KOREA,wait for me ya ;D

so so so,i used the internet tools to search for jobs.this is really an E-century, i didnt know job searching is that easy till i used it!

i went to PWTC last week,working as an event crew! this is so cool,cause i get to wear FULL FORMAL to serve visitors!! and i looked like a professional OL with the black coat =)

met a bunch of great friends during work, nice and sweet people

less than one week after that event job, i got a call from friend,working as sales promoter,also for an event. honestly that time when i promised,i was attracted by the salary actually, and i thought it was quite easy, who knows.....

the first day i'm on duty,i work with two guys which i dont know at all. my supervisor gave me instant training, i have to memorize all the price, product functions, series number, value redeem points within 2 hour. okay,so i tried all my best to memorize it, though my memorizing skills sucks like shit, and already rotten since primary.

my supervisor is a guy who's really UN-KIND in treating part timers, when i first done something wrong, get the codes wrongly or stuffs, he'll straight away shoot me, without giving face. alright,i knew this kinda stuff would sure happen, so i just let him scold without saying anything back. but heyyy,he's giving me more and more stress and with him standing by my side,how am i supposed to promote things well? THAT IS NOT THE WAY TO IMPROVE YOUR PART TIMERS! i can be a better trainer really!

that's not the worst part!

i really dont prefer their kind of style/ attitude in promoting. my style of treating customer is : educate them how our product works, let them know and compare themselves, no pushing hard. and i always treat my customers with smiles, in a friendly way to promote. BUT! everytime when my customers, after a long time of speech, they end up saying "it's too expensive, we gotta think first" or "i'll come back to you" or "i'll see first", i will gratefully say THANK YOU with a big smile on my face~ turning back,my supervisor and the other "so-called top sales guy" will come over and TEACH me how to shoot back customers:

"auntie, if no money then dont spend your time here la"

"why need to see first? if you like just buy lahh!"

"said u forget to bring credit card,trying to bluff me ah? why dont you say you go school forget to bring your bags?"

my supervisor even said: 你不用怕customer的，敢敢shoot 他们！逼他们买！要不然你讲酱多有什么用？讲到半死都没有sales，这样叫你来做么？你要讲了他们会买，才可以的嘛，要不然就是浪费时间而已。那些不要买的，就不要讲料，我们还有很多customer要serve的。

after listening to his theories i was like OMG.

now i know what is call the true world! all of them are filled with wicked thoughts!

is not that i cant do sales, but i really cant do it that way! that's seriously not my style!

luckily my "friendly-style" of promoting saved me for the next two days!my sales are comparable with the "top sale guy" in their company, and one of my customer even said to me : oh,i like you,you're so friendly!

those words made my day and made everything i had before this worthy =))

and of course, i wont get beaten by these devils! i will proof that : MY WAY WORKS!

be like and angel and you'll be rewarded just like an angel =D

好久不见

真的好久好久没有为我的部落格更新了。

因为一直都被活动捆着，虽然有时也有想BLOG的冲动，但最后还是肚子里的懒惰重作祟，在facebook草草update了status。反正现在大家都有面子书，而且可以随时随地更换最新状态，说实在的，比部落格容易多了。

可是，就像我朋友说的，把那些不可以公开的小秘密写进部落格比较好，至少有个发泄的管道，而且可以让身边的好友关注一下最新的“心理状态”，哈哈！

最近的情绪大概是：持续很高涨的度假心情！

为什么呢？因为本人从五月尾就放假啦~！！！到现在行程一直都是满满的！不停的南下北上，还出国到上海玩了一圈才回来！看似写意的生活，其实我的内心还是很空洞，一直在等什么机会让我出去闯一闯，等着完成我的韩国留学梦！等啊等，不知道我的梦什么时候才能实现。

第二个让我最近情绪高涨的，是因为我有喜欢的人啦！终于愿意喜欢上的人 :) 他是我大学的学长，一个外表帅帅，但又很可爱的一个人！

春风吻上她的脸

最近好事特别多啊！！

不停的听到有人结婚，朋友的姐姐，台湾的朋友

啊！今天！竟然让我们发现了一个天大的秘密

他和她在一起了！！

J男和S女。

经过我们的高招的套话技术，他们招认了！

说真的，我们是超级惊讶的！因为怎么也想不到他们会在一起，可是我们大家都看好祝福他们 =]

希望你快乐！

哎~又凑成一对了

朋友问我是不是妒忌？

可能吧！

总觉得自己不会把握好来到身边的爱情。

我很向往爱情，却也很抗拒。

每当感应到一股热火往这边来，就会自动地把火熄灭，不自觉地。

我还是对自己没信心，为什么呢？

百感交集

我会离家出走

今天出席黎紫书的分享会

她说，每个人一定，曾几何时，脑子里闪过的念头，要离家出走吧！

我点头。

可是，一定有放不下的人和事，让你牵挂。可能你放不下年迈的父母

我点头。

那，难道你要等到他们去了，才决定履行你曾经的梦想吗？那时的你不是风湿，就是高血压，怎么可能像年轻时，可以大步大步走天下？

其实没有你在身边他们也是可以过得很好的，就像我一样，以前我父母常常吵架闹不合，但在我离开的四年来，从没听他们有什么争执，甚至过的比以前更和气。父母在我在的时候，有了一种惯性依赖，可能他们完全没有那种后顾之忧，所以就任由自己这样。可是当我离开了，他们知道他们要对自己负责，自然就会找到生存下去的方法。我才发现，其实我也不是那么重要的。

所以，不要再拿谁做藉口，想离开的话就走吧！

我点头。我确实想离家出走，很久了。

原来这世界上，还有人是跟我志同道合的。她给了我一个理由，让我不能放弃这个梦想！

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我不想当“好”人

“你的人很好咧~ 你的性格真的很好，不追你的男生没有眼光！”

“我就是那个没有眼光的男生，哈哈”

你这是安慰吗？怎么让我觉得很无奈啊

你们越是那么说，就越让我觉得，我真的是那么差，差到...

除了“好”这个中性词，找不到别样可以形容我的话了

好是悲哀！

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小丑

我知道自己不是个多厉害的人，更不是一个称职的副主席，我知道其实自己没扮演好这个角色。

曾经，我真的很想放弃，然后说：我不干了！你们找别人吧！ 可是我知道这是懦夫所为，我不要做懦夫

曾经，我好想把所有的委屈难受都说出来，但，我找不到可以这样说话的人。我发现，我是很好的聆听者，但不是说话者。

我知道我一直拿不出那颗真心出来，而我也知道，一旦没有那颗心，什么事都做不下去。我真的很努力在检讨，认真想办法把心找回来。我不是没有努力，但我真的找不到。所以我就任由自己这样，假装自己是个有心人，装得维妙维俏，像个小丑。

我很内疚。因为我的缘故，搞得一大部分人做的不开心，我让一些人心里扎了刺，我让上头扛下我的责任，我让下属不信任，我让别人轻视了，我让小丑越来越不开心了。

为了补救这些过失，我眼睁睁看着小丑当成了永远的小丑。

我每次听到后辈们抱怨这抱怨那的时候，我也好想说：我和你们一样！我也很不爽！我也很懊恼！之类的话。可是我就是一个那么放不下的人，我不想让别人知道我有多软弱，我只想让大家看到最开心的我。于是最不开心的我，在没有人的时候才敢来探望我。

好的坏的，始终过去了。

小丑该下台了。

*****************************************

红颜知己

我也曾经有个红颜知己，他是我活动中认识的一个男生

虽然，我们相识不是很久，也没有说过很多交心的话，但我总能理解他说的话，做的事。他也一样。

其实，我们没有真正谈心，也没有秘密可言。我们一直是在打打闹闹中，建立感情的。他和我，就像和别人一样；对我，也像对别人一样。可是我们总有一种说不出的默契，我可以在他眼神中读到一些他不说出口的话，他也总是可以很快察觉我的变化，很快理解我的心思。

于是我们俩，就像知己那样，走在一起。

我们心照不宣，一直维持这种纯纯知己关系，可是被有心人看在眼里，开始说起我们来了。

我们开始避讳对方，至少我是的。不再给他留言了。他也不再打电话来了。见到面，会故意很冷淡的打招呼。讯息变得很正式，像公文一样。好像回到刚认识的时候。不，是不认识的时候！

其实，我并不想这样的，可是我说不出口。他也好像很尊重我的决定似的，渐渐少来往。他曾经尝试回到像以前那样，跟我没大没小，跟我开玩笑。可是我都是很冷静的回应。虽然我也想恢复我们以前的关系，可是我讨厌成为别人的话柄，所以我只能继续冷漠。

直到后来，大家停口不再说我们俩的绯闻。我决定对他好一点，开始接触他。但他也像我之前对他那样，冷淡回应。虽然现在我们还是朋友，但已经不像以前那样了。

如果你知道我在说你，我想说，其实我真的很喜欢你，很珍惜你。你曾经让我觉得我终于找到同类了，那种温暖的感觉，而且目前为止，只有你一个。不知道还可以补救什么，但我真的很遗憾。希望，你也曾经认为我是你的红颜知己吧！那是我最希望听到的话。

i'm very very unhappy

why must I be the only one who tolerate?

like if i dont say OK,the fault will be on me? like they will say because of you we dont get to continue our japanese class

in the end,i tolerate, with quiting form my kpop dance class,which i've worked so hard to get in!

i'm really unhappy about this

people who caused this trouble doesnt even seemed to feel sorry,or even say thank you when i agree with the changes

they're just taking it for granted!

it's just because of the bunch of them who wants to take japanese class which clashes with my chinese subjects.we have to postpone

i'm trying so hard to suggest other time so that it wont affect my dancing class

but that's useless,nothing changed!

i'm really not feeling good about this,very very unhappy =(((